you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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