a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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