i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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