Whod you bang
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
