I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
