after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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