i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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