She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
