I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize