So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
