It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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