I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
