Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
