I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
