She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
