Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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