I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
