Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
