So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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