i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize