a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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