It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
