I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
