I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
