I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
