i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
