i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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