they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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