I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
