i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
