Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
