Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
