It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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