if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
