I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
