dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I still have a little drunk in my system
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
