I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
