Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
