And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
