I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
