Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
