He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
