ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
