dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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