This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
