yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had to cum in my sink.
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