College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
