nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
