bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
