I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
