Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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