is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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