I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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