So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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