"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
