I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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