Ketchup is God's man juice
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
