i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
