how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
