He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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