Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize