exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
